“We create meaning and belonging, we don’t find it.”
Same thing with happiness. You can search as long as you want, but you aren’t going to find happiness. It’s not something you come across like a buried treasure. Happiness comes from inside. It is a state of being. You have to BE happy to be happy. As it is with meaning and belonging.
I’m not exactly sure we have such trouble with this, why we keep looking externally for things. Maybe part of it is fear — we are afraid of what we might find if we take a peek inside our own dark corners. And maybe it is our predilection for action. As long as we are doing something, we feel we are making progress. Seeking meaning/belonging/happiness/whatever-we’re-missing allows us to check off boxes. Sitting with ourselves, being in our head, doesn’t feel like we are doing anything.
Plus, of course, coming across a treasure chest filled with our meaning, or happiness, is a lot easier than having to create it ourselves. Why put in the work to make a million dollars when I can buy a lottery ticket and try to win it?
Studies have shown that people engage in nostalgia as means to boost their mood, self-esteem, and self-confidence, most often when feeling depressed vs. happy. Is it any surprise, then, that the focus on nostalgia has been so prevalent the last decade?
Love this. You’re dead right: happiness is no more “findable” than meaning or belonging. It’s enacted, not discovered—something we do or cultivate, not stumble across in a field.
And I think you’re onto something with fear. Looking outward is easier. It feels like progress. But sitting still, facing the dark corners—there’s no dopamine hit for that. Nostalgia, meanwhile, offers quick relief: an emotional lottery ticket with all the contours of depth, but none of the risk of actual interiority.
I’m a bit surprised someone hasn’t started to sell shots of dopamine like they do energy drinks or nicotine patches. And just like cigarettes, the more you use the more it takes to get the same hit as before.
I could make a bad joke … about missing the old days before nostalgia … but I am above that.
Instead, I will just say that you make a good point. Happiness is not always as easy as deciding to be happy, but you probably have to start there. As you say, there is no buried happiness treasure chest to stumble upon.
True happiness — not just the dopamine highs — is a state of being. Which means it is a choice. I am happy because I choose to be. Even when “bad” things happen like my driveway washing out or the alternator in my wife's car going bad, I am happy because I choose to be that way.
Is it easy -- no. We are constantly fighting our brains, which want to get into our fears. But it is that simple.
Like many other words, happiness is inexact. I believe you are referring to a state of mind, an inner peace, and I agree that true happiness of that sort is largely decisional.
“We create meaning and belonging, we don’t find it.”
Same thing with happiness. You can search as long as you want, but you aren’t going to find happiness. It’s not something you come across like a buried treasure. Happiness comes from inside. It is a state of being. You have to BE happy to be happy. As it is with meaning and belonging.
I’m not exactly sure we have such trouble with this, why we keep looking externally for things. Maybe part of it is fear — we are afraid of what we might find if we take a peek inside our own dark corners. And maybe it is our predilection for action. As long as we are doing something, we feel we are making progress. Seeking meaning/belonging/happiness/whatever-we’re-missing allows us to check off boxes. Sitting with ourselves, being in our head, doesn’t feel like we are doing anything.
Plus, of course, coming across a treasure chest filled with our meaning, or happiness, is a lot easier than having to create it ourselves. Why put in the work to make a million dollars when I can buy a lottery ticket and try to win it?
Studies have shown that people engage in nostalgia as means to boost their mood, self-esteem, and self-confidence, most often when feeling depressed vs. happy. Is it any surprise, then, that the focus on nostalgia has been so prevalent the last decade?
Love this. You’re dead right: happiness is no more “findable” than meaning or belonging. It’s enacted, not discovered—something we do or cultivate, not stumble across in a field.
And I think you’re onto something with fear. Looking outward is easier. It feels like progress. But sitting still, facing the dark corners—there’s no dopamine hit for that. Nostalgia, meanwhile, offers quick relief: an emotional lottery ticket with all the contours of depth, but none of the risk of actual interiority.
Which is probably why we keep buying it.
I’m a bit surprised someone hasn’t started to sell shots of dopamine like they do energy drinks or nicotine patches. And just like cigarettes, the more you use the more it takes to get the same hit as before.
And down we descend into ever more intricate conspiracies.
Capitalism, baby.
I could make a bad joke … about missing the old days before nostalgia … but I am above that.
Instead, I will just say that you make a good point. Happiness is not always as easy as deciding to be happy, but you probably have to start there. As you say, there is no buried happiness treasure chest to stumble upon.
True happiness — not just the dopamine highs — is a state of being. Which means it is a choice. I am happy because I choose to be. Even when “bad” things happen like my driveway washing out or the alternator in my wife's car going bad, I am happy because I choose to be that way.
Is it easy -- no. We are constantly fighting our brains, which want to get into our fears. But it is that simple.
Like many other words, happiness is inexact. I believe you are referring to a state of mind, an inner peace, and I agree that true happiness of that sort is largely decisional.